Thoughts about blogs

June 16, 2007

     Have you ever heard an acronym several times but really don’t know what it means, yet you are way past the point of asking someone and it’s not like you can look it up in a dictionary.  It happens with names all the time.  Someone at work: “hey Aaron” and I am like “hey!” (lots of entusiasm so they don’t catch on.)    Then you try to be clever and sneaky so you say “let see, how do you spell you name again?”  They respond with a weird look “D…A…N.”  then to cover your stupidity you lie “yeah, I know a Dan who spells it with two Ns — just wanted to make sure. ”  At that point you just want to gag yourself.  

When people ask me how do you spell Aaron,  I either say “e..r..r..a..n..d” in jest or say “just like it is spelled in the Book of Mormon.” It is a great opener for talking about the gospel.  🙂  

Anyway, I had heard the word “blog” a lot, but I never knew exactly what it was.  Then my brother Matt emailed telling us that his wife Elizabeth had started one.  Being an English major, he defined the word: “a blog is a contraction between the word web and log.”  Thanks Matt for disabusing me of my long held notion that a blog was some sort of spherical substance that ate everything in it’s path.  If that were the case,  I would have forbid Kira from starting a blog, at lease not with our kids around.           

 (Note: Large vocabulary words used above to overshadow my ignorance)

Well, Kira and I decided that we don’t need to spend time talking anymore–we can just read each other’s blogs.  I’ll get home and askdscn0964.jpg “how was you day?” In response she will just point to the computer so all I have to do is walk over to the computer, turn it on, pull up the internet, log on to her page, find the most recent blog, and read the words “I had a good day.” It is so much easier then traditional communication.  🙂

 But seriously it is fun to read my wife’s blog I learn new things about her.

    

It is funny how our blog stats look like an economic market chart.  I can’t help but feel that somehow I am losing money when my blog stats are in a “bear market.” ( falling).  Its funny I always mix up the bull and bear markets.  They both seem formidable.  When I see a rising market, I think “oh that is a bull market” and then I think “no wait,  bulls are bad(they impale people) so that can’t be it.” They just need to change it.  I think they should change it to a Dove market and a Voldemort market.  That way there is no question which is good and which is bad.  How about it economists?  Harry Potter is big enough you could probably get a way with it.  Unless of coarse Voldemort has a change of heart, turns over a new leaf in book 7, and becomes the hero.         

                                           

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If you are a prisoner on death row, a good idea is to clean up your cell really nice and then when they come to take you away, say “injection! I thought you said inspection!” and maybe they will laugh and let you out of it. 

Ill bet the most annoying job in the middle ages was a catapult operator because kings and rulers would always ask “can’t you get that to fling stuff farther?”  I am sorry, your majesty that is as far as it shoots! 

  

If you are ever traveling in time with corn on the cob, I really don’t think it will affect the corn on the cob very much at all.  I guess the point I wanted to make is that corn on the cob is pretty good isn’t it? 

 

One lesson vampire children need to learn early on is never to run with wooden stakes also regular children.      

The latest as of June

June 9, 2007

Well, yesterday I discovered that Big Bird is actually a guy.  It kind of freaked me out.  After a lifetime of believing Big Bird was a female it kind of shocked my very core. 

 

Amist sesame street watching I also realized that Elmo and I have something in common, and no it is not hairiness.  If there is a melody we can’t sit still, we both have to harmonize.  After I heard him harmonizing correctly he won my respect and got my vote as the main character to entertain Lanette.   I used to be a huge Cookie Monster fan, but I have found that I am irritated by his misuse of the first person  and his one dimensional thought process ie “me want cookies”        

 

In other news there is a great book that I have been reading, so far I have enjoyed it.  It is now in paperback, so half price.  Lanette just saw this picture on here and shouted “Daddy’s book” which is pretty accurate unfortunately Kira will read 10 -20 books in the time it takes me to finish the one, so my book becomes very familiar to her since it is out for months.     

Speaking of books I don’t know if I should be worried, but Kira is now reading a book entitled “Finding Mr. Right”  I’m not sure if she wanted to confirm that she had actually found him (or if she should still be looking ha ha).  It is kind of ironic and comical to see a married woman reading a book with that title.  She assured me that it was a fiction novel not and not a self-help book.   We had a good laugh.      

     The other day I authorized benefits for a woman who had 4 children from 4 different men and has a new boyfriend.  At what point does a person figure it out?  It was sickening to see this precious gift so throroughly abused and conversely see amazing LDS couples who would give anythng and have paid thousands of dollars to have kids into their wonderful gospel-centered homes yet are not given that opportunity in this life.  

     Personally I would love to bring as many spirits to our home as we possibly can.  We can offer them so much since we have the restored gospel and a safe, stable home with parents who love each other and the Lord.  Children are the greatest source of happiness.  I made a paper airplane for Lanette this morning and a couple minutes later she came up to me and gave me a little kiss on the cheek and said thank you.   It is so worth it!  

Well I got to go make breakfast!                     

For some reason I have always seemed to have an irrational fear of clowns.  I don’t think I will ever really be able to put my finger on it though it could have something to do with when I went to the circus as a kid and a clown killed my Dad. 

I think of all my uncles my favorite uncle was uncle Harry.  We would stay with him and most of the time he just slept.  Occasionally he would kind of make growling sounds that we all thought were pretty funny.  Oh and occasionally he would eat one of us.  Later on we found out that he was a bear. 

A good thing to do to help get the soil ready for flower beds is to call the police and tell them that you have burried some bodies in your yard.  Here’s the catch….they dig everywhere not just where you tell them to. 

 

If you are ever having a feud with your neighbors and it gets to the point of throwing grenades, I think a good thing to do is start throwing baby pumkins over the fence then everybody will start thinking about how cute they are and how beautiful the world is and how we should all just get along and while they are doing that you throw the real grenade.

 

Stay tuned as the depth increases……. 

     As I was gong to perform my first baptism on the mission I stepped onto the first step of the baptismal font and saw a scorpion next to my foot.        

     Ironically while changing in the dressing room after the last baptism of my mission, I looked down and saw a giant balck scorpion half-way up my leg.   I guess Satan works in a lot of different ways.( ha  ha)    

 Right as we were about to invite a lady to be baptized we saw a scorpion crawling down her wall and was about to step onto her shoulder.  With out any warning my companion lurched forward toward her head and smashed it with his scriptures.  She screamed because he was calmly teaching about baptism and then lunged at her.  After she saw the smashed scorpion she understood–it was really a funny scene.   

 In my first area to get to the remote houses of investigators we had to climb a steep jungle trail.  Over head every few yards were these massive cobwebs, each web nesting about 30-40  black widows.  Everyday I had to walk right under hundreds of black widow spiders.  Let’s just say I loved the people.   

      

Speaking of spiders I still remember the shock of waking up and studying with my companion and a huge tarantula darting out from under my bed.  

     We called the Bolivian girls that would try to flirt with us snakes.  Once as I was teaching a discussion, a girl snuck up behind me bent her head around and kissed me square on the lips.  I jumped up and turned tomato red.  While on the subject of snakes, as we were teaching a man, his little daughter screaming” vibora vibora” immediately he snached his machete and cut the head off of a coral snake. (very poisonous) He gave it to me and I made a belt of the skin. 

 

     While my companion and I were on splits,  As I was walking home for the night I almost tripped over a boa constrictor.  I lifted it up and carried it back to our appartment.   Since we had arrived before my companion, I placed the boa under his bed.  Conveniently it was April fools day in Bolivia.   He got a good scare…..and well after all he had put me through he deserved it.   

Elder Tuft was an extremely tall companion of mine.  For some reason parrots would often land on his shoulder or head.  I guess they thought he was a tree.  One day a parrot landed on his shoulder and did its business all over his clean white shirt.  After changing to his last white shirt we left our apartment  and within 10 minutes another parrot and landed on him and graced him with another bird dropping all over his shirt.  I laughed harder than I had ever laughed in my life.  He was very discouraged even the birds scorned his message.        

     While washing dishes outside with well water, we witnessed  a little Bolivian boy get run over full speed by a motorcycle.  It was a hit and run.   We ran over to him.  I picked him up and cradled him like a baby and jumped on the back of a motorcycle taxi with him in my arms and after a lot of sobbing and pointing we ended up at his little mud house.  We left him there with his sisters.   To our excitement two months later the little boy recognized us and shouted at his parents these are the gringos that saved my life.  They invited us in.  We taught and baptized his two sisters one of which was nun.   Later the rest of the family was baptized. 

On another occasion, after dark we were in the middle of a candle light discussion when we heard a loud groaning for help.  A long haired  drunk man was staggering toward us.  He had just been robbed, and stabbed by a gang. He was bleeding and naked.  I wrapped my tie around his leg to stop the bleeding and we hoisted him on our shoulders and carried him to the hospital about a mile away.   With out any anethesia we watched him scream in that unsanitary hospital as they stitched him up.  That night we left him with the investigators we had been teaching before going to the hospital.  When we came back to teach them another discussion, he and the whole family we had been teaching requested baptism.  The Lord works in amazing ways. 

 Often times as service projects we would dig 15-18 foot deep pits for people for there bathroom uses.  (pit stop) Once while down about 15 feet with my shovel, some of the natives above started yelling at me to get out of there as a very poisonnous lizard had fallen in there with me.  It was too deep for me to climb out so I tried to dodge it until they could get a rope.  Freaky.   

   To close this blog entry, I have to share two short large toad stories.  When I first had gotten to Bolivia I was taking a shower and looked down to see an enormous toad by my foot.  I jumped.  A couple days later I was teaching a second discussion to a shirtless man.  As I started talking about faith, he lunged at me and grabbed a huge toad next to my foot.  Then like a shotput he lobbed it 150 feet into the jungle and we heard a splat.  “Continue” he said  It was hilarious.  

More fun Bolivia adventures to come….   

Hi I’m Aaron

June 4, 2007

In high school (my glory days) they called me Lambo.

So now ten years later, the glory days are long gone.  Since those days I was a missionary in Bolivia where I survived the wrath of several parasites and other third-world adventures. I then  graduated from BYU( with a family science major) where I met,  fell in love with, and–several dozen flowers– later, conviced a pretty country girl Kira Walker to take a chance on me.        

     She is still taking that chance on me as I have switched jobs trying to figure out what I wanted to be.  I have had jobs as an opera singer, seminary teacher, and now am working for the State of Utah while I save up to go back to get a masters of HR at Utah State.  We are poor but happy.   51/2 years of marriage later we have two kids: a girl and a boy.  What I don’t get is how I ended up with the gut and Kira looks so good after 2 kids.  Isn’t it supposed to be reversed?  Now that my physique has faded people just call me Aaron. 

     When I am not working, I am mostly spending time with my cute wife and kids teaching our 2 year old songs and scriptures, taking her swimming, helping her hold her guinea pigs–without strangling them, or reading and playing with her.   Whatever little time is left over after that I am either cleaning(since I am particular about liking things clean) recording songs, playing the guitar, or of course for those who know me watching a good movie or TV series.           

If I could be any kind of animal I think I would like to be a bird.  Not just any bird though I would want to be a penguin that way I could walk around all day on two feet.   

If someone says “I can’t” it makes me wish that they could be stung by 1,000 bees for being so unconfident.  If they say “I’ll try”, 500 bees for being only partially confident.  If they say “I can”, just one bee–but it should be a killer bee.  

If dogs end up taking over the world I sure hope they don’t go by size, because I’ll bet there are some chiuauas with some pretty great ideas. 

I think at the end of a job interview if they ask if you have any questions, a good question to ask is “do you press charges?”

STAY TUNED…AS IT CONTINUES TO GET DEEPER.